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Dear Ana

Dear Ana,

We have been together for a very long time…the days waxed into years and still you are here with me.  My only true companion?  No.  Not anymore…

I met The River.  It caresses my soul with it’s song…the song against a shore…begging for me to join it forever more.

You abandoned me, Ana.  I cannot hear your voice anymore — is it just too loud to hear you — OR.DID.YOU.LEAVE?

It is very loud, here.  Sleep is elusive and the chaos is my only friend.  That is why The River beckoned — it sensed my loneliness…and my longing.

I will join it soon — but for now, I will visit.  Please don’t hate me, Ana, for giving up on you — but, after all you gave up on me first.  I was not strong enough to remain your friend.

The River has promised to carry me.  It promises rest.  It has been hard to trust it — but it’s words are sweet and sultry — they lull me closer…closer…

Just a little while longer —

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Adrift Among Shadows

Stepping out onto the precipice of black asphalt

Cars whizzing past at rocket speeds

The smell of exhaust and fear

Mingled with fish, and tears.

 

Horns blaring and people shouting,

“Lady, you’re crazy…can you hear?”

Her mind whirls with the chaos and fear

Intermittent sanity, and tears.

 

Walking, purposefully toward the barrier

Sweat beading on her lip and her head

They beckon her to leap with no fear

As resolve dries the pain, and tears.

 

Silence engulfs and the world stops spinning

As hope dissipates into relief and calm

Anticipation pulls her over wall … over fear

Death swoops in, and there are no tears.

 

The current swiftly carries her pain all away

and this is how she ended the day….

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Wonder…

The deal President Obama is forging with Iran is a very dangerous one, not only for Israel, but all of Europe, and the United States, as well. Iran has long range missiles that can launch a nuclear bomb to any country in Europe…that is fact. We also know that Iran, together with ISIS and the Muslim world, would love nothing more than to obliterate Israel. Israel’s long-time friend and ally, The United States of America, has all but abandoned her to radical Islam and its annihilators and in that abandonment have effectively rained down judgment from a RIGHTEOUS and HOLY God on itself.

While all of this should scare the sugar out of us, it is quite exhilarating to be apart of the generation that is seeing eschatological, Biblical prophecy being manifested before our very eyes.

I have often wondered what it would have been like to have been apart of the generation that saw Jesus come to earth as a Babe — God become man — to see the dust HE created, on HIS feet — to witness Mary Magdalene anoint HIM with precious oils and perfumes. What would it have been like to see HIM smile — or — laugh? To hear, audibly, HIS voice and understand that it was the voice of the MOST HIGH GOD? I have often pondered the heartache I would have felt when HE wept at the tomb of Lazarus and in that sorrow cry out, “Lazarus, come forth!” To witness the grief, then bewilderment, and then the sheer joy Mary, Martha, and the others must have felt — to run the gamut of emotions with them — to question and then praise all in the blink of an eye. How would I have felt, when HE ascended into Heaven to sit on the right-handed side of HIS FATHER? Would I have felt abandoned…and question, yet again, HIS faithful saying that, “He would come again?”

HOWEVER, God did not create me to be a First Century Christian, now did He? I am among you — 21st Century Christians! In those centuries, the Great Commission has not changed — it has not become more difficult — nor has it diminished. The only change has been our worldview. Our brothers and sisters in the first century had a different worldview — all of about, maybe, 50 miles. Our worldview is GLOBAL. Television, radio and the internet usher the world into our homes and with that ushering we are left with feelings that can be quite overwhelming….

My feelings: helpless, frustrated, grieved…..

I said all of this for one reason….YOUR.EDIFICATION!

Do not be like I have been and grow weary — faithless — utterly overwhelmed. STAY.THE.COURSE. Or, as the Apostle Paul said, “Run the race!” Chuck Swindoll would say, “Keep pressing in!”

HE IS COMING QUICKLY!

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The Signs of the Broken Flask — Jeremiah 19

This caused me to consider the United States, verse 15 says, “…because they have stiffened their necks that they might not hear My words.”

Is that not what we, the United States, have done?  Everything is “okay.”  Nothing is “wrong.”  No one FEARS the Lord.  We have become desensitized to everything.  We joke and make fun of, and laugh at, homosexuality.  There is “gay pride”.  We are allowing same-sex marriages EVEN though God calls it an abomination (like other sexual sins).  

God promises in Jeremiah that He will bring a catastrophe and it will be so horrible that everyone will hiss and not recognize this place.  I cannot understand why a nation, or a people, who have been so blessed and protected for hundreds of years, would harden their necks, or stiffen them.  Much like the children or Israel in the book of Nehemiah.

Why do we not FEAR or REVERE Him?  The Church no longer teaches, preaches the BLOOD OF CHRIST — or WHY — HOW — to reverently FEAR the Lord God Almighty!  We bring Him, or have relegated Him, to our level.  We call HIM, “Daddy, the Big Guy, Mr. God” and on and on and there is NO respect!

Heavenly Father, God Almighty, HOLY ONE — please forgive me.  I humble myself, I fall prostrate before You, Lord. You alone are worthy of my praise and adoration, YOU ALONE!

David said in Psalm 74:7, “They have set fire to Your sanctuary; they have defiled the dwelling place of Your Name to the ground.”

I declare with him that your are my KING from of old, working salvation in the midst of the earth (vs. 12).

Arise, O God, plead Your own cause; remember how the foolish man reproaches (reviles or taunts) YOU daily.  Do not forget the voice of Your enemies; the tumult of those who rise up against You increases continually.  Psalm 74:22,23

I adore you, Lord!  Please teach me to fear you.  Please forgive me!  Because of WHO YOU ARE 

Your Daughter~

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Sunsets and Epitaphs

As the sun set over our little Florida town this evening, my heart pounded with pain for what was and what will never be.  I felt empty and spent and wondered why there is not more time to change more and stay awhile longer.

These are the things that were:

  • Birth
  • The first day of school
  • Marriage
  • Seeing your first child for the very first time
  • Beaches
  • Christmas
  • Easter
  • Saying “goodbye” to your parents
  • Pain
  • Laughter
  • Death

It reminds me of Solomon….

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,
    And a time to die;
A time to plant,
    And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
    And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
    And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
    And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
    And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
    And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
    And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
    And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
    And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
    And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
    And a time to speak;
A time to love,
    And a time to hate;
A time of war,
    And a time of peace.”

Solomon declared in chapter 2, “Therefore, I hated life because the work that was done under the sun was distressing to me, for all is vanity and grasping for the wind.”

I declare with him….I hate life….it is distressing to me…I am tired.  I have nothing else to give….nothing else I need….nothing left to harvest.  

I read once that there are two dates on your tombstone….the day you are born and the day you die…in between those two dates is a dash and that’s the most important part, so make the dash count.  All the times of Solomon have evidenced themselves in my life.  I have been born and I have been born-again, I have planted and I have plucked that which I planted, I have killed and I have tried to help heal, I have broken down and I have built up, I have wept and I have laughed, I have mourned and I have danced, I have cast away stones and I have gathered stones, I have embraced and I have refrained from embracing, I have gained and I have lost, I have kept and I have thrown away, I have torn and I have sewn, I have been quiet and I have spoken up, I have loved and sadly I have hated, and I have lived in peace and now I live in war.  It is now time to sleep.

I pray my dash has made a difference to someone.  I pray that it is written on my epitaph, “She loved!”  I have tried to love abundantly and generously…I have cried for the hurt that I cannot seem to heal…the hurt that has taken my breath away.  I am seeing people beheaded, burned alive, traded for sex and murdered for no reason.  I personally have witnessed molestation, abortion, depravity, darkness, and hopelessness.  I have seen a nation I love fall into political correctness and darkness.  The more Christians I meet, the more I want to be separate from them and not be counted among them.  I see Christians judging Christian Brothers and Sisters for rightly dividing the truth with the Word of God…for calling sin exactly what it is and then being made to feel that they are the very essence of that same sin.

My heart aches to the point of literal, physical pain.  The more I see, the less I want to see.

I am tired.

There is only one Hope and that is Jesus.  As Anne Graham Lotz would say, “You can have the world, just give me Jesus.”

I am tired…and there is, as Solomon said, “a time to die.”

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His Will vs. Our Will

For every action we take there is a counter action…or for every decision we make there is a consequence. Therefore, our decisions or actions should be weighed carefully, as there will always be a consequence, good or bad.  I am reminded of kinetic balls — you cause one to hit against the other and the one on the opposite end moves — you move two and two on the opposite end move and so on.

We all have to make daily decisions that always effect self, but sometimes (or maybe most times) also effect those around us. Some decisions we make are spur-of-the-moment while others are weighed heavily in our minds and hearts.  Each made either understanding and caring whether it effects others, or not.

Most decisions have an immediate consequence while others do not manifest consequences until a later time.  Often times we can stop the action, if we act quickly and other times,, no matter how much we want to stop it, we cannot…and so it goes.

I have a sweet friend who set a series of events into motion awhile back that will have lasting consequences to herself but mostly to those she loves.  Had she acted immediately she could have possibly stopped the consequence, but now it is impossible.  Her decision was not made out of selfish gain or ambition but out of desperation and fear.  However, regardless of the why…she is left with the consequence.

In Ephesians 5:17 it tells us, “Therefore, do not be unwise but understand what the will of the Lord is.”  Sometimes discerning God’s will is difficult, even for a mature Christian.  However, I believe that it can always be discerned through His Word and through Godly counsel.  It is important to remember that when you are uncertain of the path you should take, and the consequences of taking the path not in His will.

I pray that you will be discerning and not faced with same consequences that my friend and her loved ones will have to accept soon.  Seek God’s will above all else.

swinging balls 2

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To Live is Christ…To Die Is Gain: He Is No Fool

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen:”

Milad Makeen Zaky

Abanub Ayad Atiya

Maged Solaiman Shehata

Yusuf Shukry Yunan

Kirollos Shokry Fawzy

Bishoy Astafanus Kamel

Somaily Astafanus Kamel

Malak Ibrahim Sinweet

Tawadros Yusuf Tawadros

Girgis Milad Sinweet

Mina Fayez Aziz

Hany Abdelmesih Salib

Bishoy Adel Khalaf

Samuel Alham Wilson

Worker from Awr Village

Ezat Bishri Naseef

Loga Nagary

Gaber Munir Adly

Esam Badir Samir

Malak Farag Abram

Sameh Salah Farug

“13 These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. 14 For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. 15 And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.  39 And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise, 40 God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us.” Hebrews 11:1, 13-16 and 39, 40

Even so, COME LORD JESUS.

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How To Catch A Drowning Fish?

I remember well the hot, lazy days of summer growing up in my native Virginia … although, some days it seems like those memories have melted into centuries.  We would work hard in the gardens…weeding…picking…digging and there were chickens to feed and hogs to slop…along with the other chores Daddy and Momma had allotted each of us for the day.

Once the work was done, Daddy would say, “Let’s go fishin’!”  He would gather the fishing rods together with his tackle box and ice cooler and down we would all trod to the lake.  He and Momma would get in his John boat inviting us younger girls, Angela and me, to go out with them.  Of course, we would jump in with glee and eager anticipation of the fish we would soon catch for supper.

Once we were in and seated, Daddy would turn on the troll, and off we’d go!  That little troll motor didn’t make that boat travel very fast; however, I could still feel a warm breeze on my face, and even, as I remember, I can almost smell the sunshine.  The lake was still, like glass except for the tiny wake our troll motor was making and Daddy would remind us to be very quiet so we wouldn’t scare the fish away.

Once we were off to the appointed destination that Daddy had in mind, he would help us bait our hooks with our little red and white bobbins and we would cast our line in the water.  It was ever so hard to sit there and be quiet willing fish to bite your fresh caught worm.  After what seemed like endless hours (really only resulting in about five minutes), one of us would exclaim, “Daddy, the fish aren’t biting today!” or “Daddy, are you sure the fish are all over here?”  We had such impatience with the whole process and were ready to quit.

Daddy always encouraged us to keep trying and not give up knowing full well that we would be bellyaching again in a few minutes.  I never could figure out who was more long-suffering…Daddy or those fish who refused to be caught!   However, after a while one of our bobbins would start moving and then with a start…would be jerked under neath….oh how we would squeal at the thought of a Big Mouth Bass being on the end of our line when we brought it in.  The sheer joy of it was more than we could handle at times.  Daddy would help us “bring’em in” and invariably it wasn’t the anticipated Big Mouth Bass we had hoped for but a small little brim hardly worth keeping.

One such outing that stays fresh in my memory bank is the day Daddy caught a drowning fish!  It was a particularly hot day and swimming really sounded a lot more fun than fishing…but fishing we went.  On this day it was only Daddy, Momma, and me, as Angela didn’t want to tag along.  I wasn’t having a great day and a lot was bothering me that day.  It seemed no matter the task I had to do was met with problems and I was certain fishing wouldn’t be any different.

Daddy put the worm on my hook and off it went into the water.  I sat there, quite disinterested in the fish that may or may not be eyeing my worm, pondering all that happened earlier in my day.  All of a sudden my bobbin didn’t bob…it went right under….gulp!  My eyes about popped out of my head, as I swallowed hard and started reeling it in.  I wound and wound that reel with all my might and could tell that whatever kind of fish decided my worm looked appetizing must be BIG!

I begged Daddy to help me and he laughed and took the rod to help.  When I saw that fish come up out of that water, I felt like the best fisherman on earth….it was a Big Mouth Bass!!  Daddy exclaimed, “Well, looky there!”  He pulled into the boat, took the hook out of its mouth, and handed it to me proudly.  I went to take it and it slipped right out of my chubby hand and back into the water.  I cried to Daddy, in the greatest disappointment, that my fish was drowning!  Before he could begin to console me, off I went into the water to catch my drowning fish.  I heard my Momma shout, “Jim, catch her!”

I was thrashing in the water, choking, gasping, and screaming for help when my Daddy’s huge hand scooped over that boat and lifted me effortlessly back into it.  I was so wet with disappointment, Momma was crying still from fear, and Daddy just laughed and said, “Now that’s how you catch a drowning fish!”

The fish are drowning

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A Polish Dance in Time

The house was quiet, so I took an opportunity to play my piano.  I always enjoy sitting down and playing when my family has gone out…this is the time I can allow myself to become totally absorbed in my music.  I want to feel the “story” the composer is telling and unless there are no distractions, it is lost to me.  I enjoy the story and get caught up in its rhapsody and I can feel the composer’s thoughts, his loves and his hates…if I take the time to listen, while I am playing, I can feel all of it.

Today, as I went to the piano, I was not sure what I wanted to play…to be honest, I almost did not play.  However, it is rare to have the house to myself or even have the time to sit down and play the piano.  I let my fingers sift through the sheet music until I ran across my favorite composer, Chopin!  He is my favorite because of the passion he had for his native Poland.

I rested the music on the stand and opened to the first page.  I quickly glanced over the notes and expressions…this piece should be played, “allegretto” (moderately fast)…then, I gently lifted the cover, which so gallantly protected the keys.  As the cover came off, the polished, smooth keys begged for me to caress them.  I obliged their wish, and placed my fingers lightly on the creamy ivory.

First, I warmed up by playing the scale…up and down the keys…then, I was ready…….

I began to methodically pull from the piano’s soul a melody that sang sweetly from its lips…much like honey dripping from the honeycomb.  My fingers were dancing a Polish dance across the ivory and rich ebony.

I progressed deeper into the composition…I lost myself in the rhapsody.  I felt like I was no longer in the room…I was a Sea Gull flying over the sea…the sea mist was spraying me in the face, as I floated on the wind.  I soared with each crescendo, as the breeze pushed me higher in the heavens.

Then suddenly, I was no longer alone.  I was no longer just a student of this brilliant man…Chopin leapt from the yellowed pages and possessed me.  He took complete control of my fingers…I played with more intensity than I ever have before…my breathing became labored and my heart was beating fervently.  As my soul climbed higher and higher with each measure, my ears were ringing with commands of softer, louder, faster and slower…like soldiers marching across a concourse … I could not keep up and yet, I did!

Then, we reached the climax and began our sweet descent back down.  Chopin held me closely to his bosom and the breeze stroked my hair, as we descended.  At, first it felt like a free fall, but then I knew I was being carried on the wings of exhilaration.  As we drew closer to the end, I felt his soul slowly withdraw from mine and then I saw the words, “molto retardando” (much slowing)…I felt an emptiness grip my heart, as I reluctantly played the final note.  The note hung in the air and lingered there, as I sorrowfully sealed the cover over the mute keys…like the closing of a casket.  I slowly arose from the stool and returned it to its dwelling place.  I placed the music back in the stack from whence it came…next to the other, silent compositions and left the room.  As I did, I heard a soft, almost ghostly, “well done.”

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It’s About a Babe

Feeling weepy today — not necessarily a bad thing — the happenings around me and in the world always cause me to ponder life. I’m really missing my parents today — this was Daddy’s favorite time of year — I’m looking forward to Dave reading the Christmas Story tonight and the account of Jesus birth. I’m struck by all the sadness and chaos in the world — in our United States — I’m looking forward to Christ’s Second Coming…come quickly, Lord Jesus. My heart and prayers are with Pastor Saeed Abidini and his precious family — this is their third Christmas without Pastor Saeed — I’m praying for the homeless in our community and that God will visit CHRISTmas on them in a way that they will know that Jesus has come to seek and to save. I have managed to ignore the commercialism of Christmas this year — I purposed in my heart to do that this time. I’m trying to do a better job of recognizing that Christmas isn’t about America’s illusion of Christmas — I don’t know of very many churches that will come together Thursday morning, as a Body of Believers to worship Christ — Pastors want congregants to “be with their families” — what happened to the family going together to worship the Christ?? That is a part of the fibrous break down in America — we see church as a social event rather than a worship event.

Jesus is Christmas

I don’t know if this will be the first of many more Christmases for me or the last — but whichever it is — I bow down and worship CHRISTMAS — Christmas isn’t a day that we made up and put on a calendar — it isn’t a card with a snowy scene — it isn’t over-excited children ripping open packages on Christmas morn — CHRISTMAS is JESUS – God becoming man and dwelling among us — the Second in the Trinity dying on a rugged cross to redeem us — that ONE rising from the grave on that third and glorious day declaring, I AM — won’t you worship CHRISTMAS with me this year? If you have not received Jesus as your personal savior — I invite you to come before Him today and receive Him — that is why He came — He is your GIFT! That is my prayer today! Merry Christmas.