As the sun set over our little Florida town this evening, my heart pounded with pain for what was and what will never be. I felt empty and spent and wondered why there is not more time to change more and stay awhile longer.
These are the things that were:
- Birth
- The first day of school
- Marriage
- Seeing your first child for the very first time
- Beaches
- Christmas
- Easter
- Saying “goodbye” to your parents
- Pain
- Laughter
- Death
It reminds me of Solomon….
“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:
2 A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
3 A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
4 A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
7 A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
8 A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.”
Solomon declared in chapter 2, “Therefore, I hated life because the work that was done under the sun was distressing to me, for all is vanity and grasping for the wind.”
I declare with him….I hate life….it is distressing to me…I am tired. I have nothing else to give….nothing else I need….nothing left to harvest.
I read once that there are two dates on your tombstone….the day you are born and the day you die…in between those two dates is a dash and that’s the most important part, so make the dash count. All the times of Solomon have evidenced themselves in my life. I have been born and I have been born-again, I have planted and I have plucked that which I planted, I have killed and I have tried to help heal, I have broken down and I have built up, I have wept and I have laughed, I have mourned and I have danced, I have cast away stones and I have gathered stones, I have embraced and I have refrained from embracing, I have gained and I have lost, I have kept and I have thrown away, I have torn and I have sewn, I have been quiet and I have spoken up, I have loved and sadly I have hated, and I have lived in peace and now I live in war. It is now time to sleep.
I pray my dash has made a difference to someone. I pray that it is written on my epitaph, “She loved!” I have tried to love abundantly and generously…I have cried for the hurt that I cannot seem to heal…the hurt that has taken my breath away. I am seeing people beheaded, burned alive, traded for sex and murdered for no reason. I personally have witnessed molestation, abortion, depravity, darkness, and hopelessness. I have seen a nation I love fall into political correctness and darkness. The more Christians I meet, the more I want to be separate from them and not be counted among them. I see Christians judging Christian Brothers and Sisters for rightly dividing the truth with the Word of God…for calling sin exactly what it is and then being made to feel that they are the very essence of that same sin.
My heart aches to the point of literal, physical pain. The more I see, the less I want to see.
I am tired.
There is only one Hope and that is Jesus. As Anne Graham Lotz would say, “You can have the world, just give me Jesus.”
I am tired…and there is, as Solomon said, “a time to die.”
Azalea Trees and Tea Rooms 