This season of joy and love and gathering brings back a flood-gate of memories for me. It brings back a kindred-ness that has moved into a world evaporated only into recollections. The anamnesis of which brings both joy and sadness for me.
I remember when I was a little girl and the first snow would fall that I would stand outside and catch the snowflakes on my tongue and try to count them. It truly was a futile endeavor, but try I did nonetheless. My cheeks would become crimson, as I pointed my chubby, little face toward the sky. All I could hear was the pat-pat-pat of the snowflakes hitting the ground making layer upon layer of beauty. It was new and welcomed. I would be nearly frozen when Momma would call me into the house.
After I had removed the many layers meant to protect me, Momma would place a mug of her homemade, hot chocolate in front of me. It felt so warm against my hands that had only been layered with socks because we didn’t have mittens. As I lifted it toward my cherry, cold lips, I could smell the aroma of love and warmth and sweetness.
As I glance into the snowglobe of my reminiscences, I become enshrouded in grief. Grief for those I will never see again and for that which will never be again. Yet, joy and peace that it was — and how wonderful heart spurs cause an avalanche of gratefullness.
We all deal with these tender remembrances that seize our breath and that expose our hearts to the point it explodes out of our eyes. They come like a winter snowstorm and all you can do is embrace it and breathe. You breathe through the grief and pain of that husband or mother or father or child that will never enjoy this season with you again. With each Christmas card that shadows your mailbox, the gaping fissure of loss darkens it too as you are painfully aware of the card you will not receive this year. The walk back into the house takes longer than the walk to the mailbox and the cold of the snow and the crispness in the air cut you to the bone.
All of us, on some level, have experienced this grief in our souls over the years. However, that grief and that loss are not surprises that have not already been sifted through God’s sovereign hand. He sifted and allowed it because of His great love for us. For when such is sifted, whether it is joy or sadness, He has done so being acquainted with that which pierces our hearts.
“He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted.” Isaiah 53:3-4
My prayer for you this Christmas Season is that you will find peace in the Prince of Peace. That you would find Divine Comfort in the Comforter Himself. That your joy would overflow out of the storehouse of His love for you. Allow the heart spurs to move you to the Babe born in a manger and then nailed to the Cross out of His great love for you! I pray that you would allow Him to wash your crimson-stained sins as white as new-fallen snow.
“And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus. “He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and His kingdom will have no end.” Luke 1:31-33