Pondering who I am and Whose I am caused me to think of how God made me. We are told in Psalm 139:13 David said,
“For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.”
I often lament my frail body and ask the Lord frequently why He gave me a body that needs so much and would wear out so quickly. Lord, do I truly need the things you “wove” into my body? Surely, if I didn’t have a stomach, I wouldn’t grow hungry and overeat. If I didn’t have a pancreas, I wouldn’t have diabetes, right? Why give me eyes, if they would be destroyed by disease and the beginning stages of Glaucoma? If there were no heart, I’d not develop heart disease…it seems pretty simple to me. Father, why make me thirsty when my kidneys and bladder are overcome with the effects of diabetes? Couldn’t You have just created me with a perfect body that didn’t break down?
Then I remembered what I’ve learned in His Word…
When I am hungry, He tells me He is the Bread of Life…
“I am the living bread that came down out of heaven; if anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever; and the bread also which I will give for the life of the world is My flesh.”
When I am thirsty, He tells me that He is the Living Water…
“Jesus answered and said to her, ‘Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.'”
When my eyes grow dim, He reminds me that He is the Light of the World…
“Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, ‘I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.'”
If He had not created longing, hunger, suffering, and want in me…how would I ever realize that I need HIM? I was created to desire Him — to crave Him — to only want for Him. Thank you, Father, for weaving my body in secret, and this trial You have graciously given me. When I feel that I am unraveling and as my body betrays me, I pray that I always seek You, and in that seeking find only You.
“O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water. Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You. So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips. When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, For You have been my help, And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.”