This morning, as I’m reflecting on Scripture and King David, I asked the Lord to examine my own heart. He showed me the capacity of my heart — how full it is — what it is full of, as well.
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! Psalm 139:23
I wonder if he was prepared for what God would show him, upon searching his heart? I wonder if he was prepared for God to truly see the capacity of his heart — what it was full of — and then prepared for what God would do to change it, even if he thought that far ahead of his prayer?
We know from Scripture that David was an adulterer, murderer, and deceiver. We know that he struggled greatly with depression and that he was also a warrior. He had enemies that sought to destroy him, including some in his own ranks.
However, we also know that he was full of compassion, he loved, he worshiped God liberally, and he danced! The capacity of his heart was full of life but, he desired it to be fuller with God; and, so, he sought that same God, which pursued him. He sought Him in shame — repentance — joy — mourning — but, mostly he sought God authentically. We know this because he cried out to God in prayer:
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:10-12
So, what of my full heart, and am I much different than David? The answer is, “No!” My heart, too, is at full capacity. My heart is full of sin, depression, heartache, grief, compassion, love, and worship! I am, much like David, a broken Believer that lives in a messy world with broken people — but, mostly I am seeking God authentically and at full capacity.
My prayer echos David’s prayer. Further up in Psalm 51 David said:
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. vss. 7,8
When I come before Him humbly and authentically and repentantly, He will purge me of myself. My heart, as long as I sojourn in this fallen world, will always be at full capacity. For in that fullness we learn to walk with others in their brokenness. Paul spoke of this in 2 Corinthians 3-5:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
The full capacity of our hearts allows us to share in Christ’s sufferings and to abundantly share in His comfort, too. Is that not the grace of our Savior? As followers of Christ Jesus, we get the grand privilege of loving one another and limping along together, as He is daily restoring and sanctifying us unto Himself.
We are all cracked pots — cracked by the fullness of life — the capacity of our hearts — in all HOPE.